Self Love and the Boundaries of Masculinity


My friends give me HELL. They call me a diva, Hollywood, pretty boy, fat and handsome, chubby Kanye, anything they can think of. I show up late, I look and smell good, I’m well kept, very particular. Doesn’t take me too long to get ready and I don’t hog up the mirror, but if the shoe fits? Fuck it. Now usually I take things with a grain of salt, but consistently being called the aforementioned has sparked my brain for a plethora of reasons. As men, especially black men, we are raised through an “Agoge” like the Spartans. We are often raised to be tough and told not to cry, not to emote. We’re specifically told that certain things aren’t for us and that we can’t do things because they’re gay, soft or feminine. “You can’t wear pink, singing is soft, shaving your pubes is gay!” Who established all these boundaries? Who are you to consider me less of a man because of my preferences? Why are you attempting to emasculate me? I’m not gay because I like to get a pedicure every two weeks or a mint mask at the barber shop after my cut, I’m fucking well kept. I’m not a diva because I’m particular, I just tend to have an acquired taste aka I like nice shit. If I shave my balls, man-scape and trim my underarm hair it doesn’t make me less of a man, it makes me more clean than the average. Recently, I saw a photo of a childhood friend of mine wearing a crop top and capri’s while performing at a music festival. Now even though that’s not my style, I’m not going to fly off the handle and call him gay because of that outfit! He liked it, he was comfortable, and his fans didn’t object. Shit, the women were gawking at his physique and build. Don’t project your own masculinity issues onto another man because you’re too closed minded to accept something different, find yourself! Everyone has their own preferences and set of values but one should not be judged for what they do if it isn’t harming the world. Personally, certain things I enjoy doing just for me. There aren’t a lot of feelings that match being clean head to toe, having a pocketful of money, a haircut and getting in a clean car. What people fail to realize is that you have to love YOU first. Before you can be into anyone else you have to be into yourself first. Take care of you first. I’m very into me. I spend more time and money on myself and my family than anything else. Self confidence and self awareness are critical in life. I love getting up in the morning and getting my day started and being able to look in the mirror and say “Nigga you look good. Fuck up the world today,” and mean it! I love being into myself because the better I love and value me, the better I can love and value another person!

Take care of yourselves fellas.

Until next time.

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