You aren’t an asshole, You have intimacy issues.


Yesterday I was on twitter, tweeting how I like to tweet, when a plethora of of my friends and followers sparked up a conversation about sex. Is 5 times a week unreasonable? Is cuddling wack? Does the sex slow down when a relationship is confirmed?

Now I’m no relationship expert, but I do have tons of experience. There’s an old saying: ” A smart person learns from their own experiences. A wise person learns from another’s.” With that being said, I’d like to weigh in on a few things.

If you’ve read my other articles you know how I feel about social media being a look into the brain of a person and how people expose themselves without even knowing that they’re doing so. Last night I saw a woman tweeting preposterous ideologies of what she thought was a healthy sexual relationship. “I’m an adult, I don’t have time for sex 5 times a week.” “I don’t like cuddling anymore, so I’m damn sure not gonna wanna have sex every night.” “When me and my ex lived together, I was on some get on your side of the bed, turn the TV and the lights off type stuff.” Baby, those sound like grade A intimacy issues to me. Very often, especially if your parents are way old or way young, you don’t see or aren’t taught how to be intimate. I would go into how the black family is broken and how intimacy issues arise because of that, but that’s another article. I don’t know why particular women think that intimacy is corny. Intimacy doesn’t make you weak. As a matter of fact being intimate is a sign of emotional fortitude. If you’re strong enough to let down a wall and be a mess with someone and be able to handle the outcome of the situation regardless, that’s strength. I have a theory that people hold their emotion so near and dear that they rather feign disinterest in order to protect themselves. I also think that women with intimacy issues project their guilt. They know how much of an asshole that they’re being by lacking intimacy and they fear the rejection and coldness that they dish out may be reciprocated from their partner. I’m an intimate man probably because I saw intimacy and I was taught intimacy. I saw my parents holding hands, smooching in public, my father grabbing ass in the grocery store, them being cuddled up on the couch and such, you know? I was also taught how to be intimate with women, by a woman. I can hear my mother now:

“Son, being intimate isn’t emasculation. You can still be that strong, stable, leader of a man that you will be and show her that you
care about her. Whisper in her ear? Squeeze her, make her feel safe and protected and she’ll be yours.”

Thanks Mom! The shit is working GREAT thus far.

There is always time for good sex. You always make time for good sex, and 5 times a week isn’t too much or unreasonable, especially if you’re truly attracted to someone. I don’t know everyone’s preferences or the strength of their sex drives. What I do know is that if you’re counting how many times you have sex with your partner a week, you might be in the wrong relationship. Shit, if you’re thinking about a set number of sexual interactions per week, sounds like you’re attempting to control your man or that your relationship isn’t a priority. I don’t know if these people I speak of have ever let their guard down enough to crave a person, but I have. When you like a person and the lust is high? My God. What people don’t know is that cuteness activates aggressiveness in the brain. You know how you see a cute, fat little baby and you just want to eat it? That feeling. Or how you see a woman and all you can think about is choking her up and pounding her out? That feeling. When you’re truly into another person and that person is into you, the last thing you’ll be doing is counting sexual instances. You’ll be too busy trying to make the next one happen. Sex is a big part of a healthy relationship. Act like you got some sense.

Ladies, give that man some pussy! Surprise him, initiate it, make him feel wanted, try new things. Communicate.

Gentlemen, control the urges and play it cool. Sometimes she just isn’t in the mood. If you crave it too much, she’ll attempt to control you. You don’t crave it at all, you’re gay or a cheater or both. That’s what they think.

Communicate, compensate, and be happy. Pussy is not power. Being intimate isn’t corny and sex 5 times a week isn’t unreasonable at all.

See y’all next week.

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