Have you ever gone to the grocery store with an excess of money and returned with nothing but junk food, alcohol and a rotisserie chicken?

I know your pain.

As young men we’re taught so many things. How to fight, how to shave, how to play inside linebacker in a 4-4 stack shading the nose guard to the weak side, but simple things like grocery shopping seem to evade us. Thankfully, you guys don’t have to deflate your egos and ask for help, I’m going to do my best to help you out. This is “Young man Shopping 101.”

Before we get to the shopping part, I’d like to present a few tips.

Rule #1: Don’t go to the store hungry.
Grocery stores were designed for hungry people. You’ll be in there trying every sample, sip and bite of anything you can get your hands on. In addition to that, you’ll turn into a man child and have a cart full of shit that makes it look like you’re running an amusement park. Not a good look.

Rule #2: Don’t go to the store high or drunk.
If you think going to the store hungry is bad, multiply it x10. Last time I went to the store high I was in the seafood isle at publix trying to figure out if my gold fish and the salmon were related. I also bought chocolate twinkles and six boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Rule #3: Have a plan.
Can’t go to the store flying blind and shopping on the go until you get Good at it. Look at grocery shopping as a video game level. You can’t just run out spraying and praying! You’ll be dead in seconds, or out of money in this case. Know what you’re getting, look for deals and act accordingly.

In order to effectively grocery shop you have to know what you both need and want. Know the store, what deals they usually have and the staff, if you can. I personally use the phrase PSPLFD: Protien, Starch, Produce, Liquids, Frozen, Dairy. I use this to make my list, move around the store and plan my meals. I live and die by this. The only exceptions to my acronym are alcohol, snacks, spices and sauces. Everything else falls in order. You’re also free to use discretion about what falls into each category because Particular items can fall into two.

Not only do you need a few things around the crib, but bae is coming over for the weekend as well. Let’s get our needs and buy her things to cook.

Meal 1: Chicken breasts, mashed potatoes, broccoli, yeast rolls, cranberry juice and a bowl of gelato (cause that shit is fire) for dessert.

Meal 2: Steak, Shrimp Alfredo, Spinach, Garlic bread, and Simply lemonade.

Grocery List should read as follows.

Protein (Boneless, skinless chicken. 1LB of peeled shrimp, eggs, 2 steaks.)

Starch (Potatoes, Yeast Rolls, Garlic Bread, Linguini, Wheat Bread, Cereal, Oatmeal)

Produce (Broccoli, Peppers, Onions, Spinach)

Liquid (Simply Lemonade, Orange Juice, Cranberry Juice, Bottled Water)

Frozen (Gelato, Hot Pockets, Mozzarella Sticks)

Dairy (Milk, Butter)

Not only do we have our meals planned for the weekend, but we also have purchased the necessities of milk, butter, eggs, cereal, orange juice, water and oats. The idea is to plan, organize and move accordingly. Save some money and come home looking like a hero.

Last but not least, leave space in your budget for what I like to call “OH SHIT” food. I personally shop at the illustrious Publix, so sometimes I’ll spend $30 on 3 whole deli sandwiches, two big bags of chips and some fruit cups. That way I split the sandwiches in half and have lunch for 6 days. Hot pockets, pot pies, beef patties. Things you can just grab when you haven’t cooked or you’re running late.

I hope that I could be a help gentlemen. Until next time.

*tips hat*

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