The Facial Aphrodisiac, Beards 101. 

Coming of age is a beautiful process. It seems the older we get, the more things we’re able to recognize and understand. The more we can indulge in small joys and appreciate life. 

Things that were completely irrelevant at the age of 18 are suddenly all the rage at 22-32. Every year that you grow, there are new things in the world to see, learn and feel. 

Over the last 5 years I’ve seen women from all over the globe suddenly have an infatuation with bearded men. In the early stages, people thought that beard growth was a fad, but in reality it’s awareness. 

“Women Always hyping beards. Beards ain’t that fire. Stalley and Ross out Now all these hoes love beards.” 

Shut up, smooth face nigga. 

Beards have been recognized as symbols of manhood since the before man invented the wheel. Here are a few facts. 

In the Celtic Tribe, Otto the Great swore by his beard whenever he was being serious. Any nigga with “the great” in his name is good with me. In the Middle Ages touching another man’s beard was disrespectful and grounds for a duel. Science has proven that women perceive  bearded men as more attractive. Ancient philosophers were identified by their beards, which they kept as a sign of their profession. lastly, beards protect your face from harmful UV Rays, thus expanding your life expectancy. 

Didn’t make any of that up, but let me not be long winded. 

If you’ve managed to have enough testosterone to grow a beard, are you taking care of it? Beard hair is as delicate as the hair on your head that you wash and moisturize. Are you doing the same for what comes out of your face? 

Man I wish I knew the current me three years ago. If you don’t completely know how to take care of your beard, pull up a chair. If you do, read anyway for laughs and possible new techniques. 

Beard care 101 niggas. 



Above is a candid collage of a few homies and I so you know that I’m not faking here. Yes I used myself twice because I love myself. 

Keep That Thang Clean. 

The first step to a healthy, hearty beard is washing. What you don’t ever want to do is use a body wash or facial scrub for your beard. Would you put those in your head? 

Shampoo your beard as you would your hair. Soap bars and shower gels dry hair out. What’s good for your skin isn’t always good for your hair. I personally use OGX Coconut Milk Shampoo to wash my beard. It leaves the hair soft, clean and smelling damn good. 



You can get it at your local grocery store for about $12. 

Moisturize That Thang 

If you want your beard to glisten like you just walked out of the swimming pool when you’re really just walking down the street, moisture is the key. I can’t stress moisturizing enough. 

Now, as an ethnic man, the things from the earth tend to work the best for us. If you’re reading this and you lack melanin, I don’t know what to tell you, Billy. 

The best moisture for your body comes from water, internally and externally. Unfortunately, water is absorbed by hair quickly, so we need something a little thicker, a little more funky. 



From top to bottom are  Coconut oil, carrot seed oil and shea butter. Dog, ALL this shit is magic. If you use any of these producs after washing your beard, there’s no doubt in my mind that your pussy rate will increase at least %15. 

You actually can use these, specifically coconut oil for everything. The shit cured my eczema in a week. Tropical shit works on tropical people. You can get these products at grocery stores, the beauty supply or ethnic care stores. 

Groom That Thang 

Now that you’ve washed and moisturized your face-cape, you just can’t walk out into the world with a matted ass beard. You gotta groom, which is the fun part. 

No matter how often you get your hair cut, you should always get your beard trimmed. Not cut off, but trimmed to your discretion. Trimming prevents split ends, uneven growth and weak ass ingrown hairs, which suck ass. 

Personally, I brush and comb my beard with the grain. If you comb against the grain, that’s cool too, it helps your beard look bigger. You should comb and or brush your beard daily. 

Split ends, loose and weak hairs will all remain in your beard unless you comb them out. It’s your job. 

In conclusion, beards are a perk of being a man and an extension of you. Wash, moisturize and groom that thang, spray a little cologne in it and invite a honey over to rub on it. 

I leave you with a photo of my beard care center, located on the left side of my sink. 



Take care of yourselves, gentlemen and savages. New story coming Friday, as always. 

– King Malcolm 

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