The Art of Nudes. 

When it comes to communication, there aren’t too many things that excite men more than glancing at his phone inbox and seeing:

“Attachment: 2 Images.” 

Hell, I got a little riled up just reading that. 

Men are visual creatures. When we see that prompt informing us that there’s a picture waiting for us, our mind begins to contemplate the possibilities. 

“Maybe they’re selfies. But what if they’re nudes? Are they titties? They ARE titties!” 

But unfortunately, all nudes are not created equal. There are some women are under the impression that the mere sight of ass and titties can outweigh terrible camerawork. 



So, as a man who loves a good nude, I’m going to tell you what men love to see. This isn’t me telling you what to do, because women know everything. This is simply a list of suggestions I’ve come up with after collecting data from the National Coalition of Real Niggas. 

Now, let’s get to work. 

Beautiful women from all walks of life, especially the black women that I so ever adore, don’t you ever send me a lackluster nude. 

Seriously.

To be honest, nudes aren’t hard to come by so the good ones are appreciated. In addition to that, everywhere we look in society today theres a butt ass naked woman, so as a result a lot of people are desensitized to nudity. So the shit takes a little more effort these days! 

Effort is a large factor in a good nude. We pay attention to the lighting in the room and the way it highlights your curves. How you toot that soft ass up into the air to get the perfect shot. You damn near broke a sweat taking that picture, huh? 

The more effort you put into the nude, the more weknow you care. If not?



Deola fine ass ain’t lying. 

The second quality that makes a nude is tastefulness. Whether you care to agree it or not, some things just aren’t sexy. Don’t send me a freak shot of you in a dirty room with a cucumber in you. That shit is awful! Just because you’re showing skin does not mean it’s sexy. 



Can you feel the lust? 

Make it LUSTY. Have your nails done while you spread that warm little flower open. Pull those cute black lace panties to the side and show me what she looks like. Pull one of those full breasts out of your bra and lick yourself. 

Make me want to bite my desk at work, make me look forward to manhandling you later. 

Next up, we have Arousal and Creativity. We as men can tell when you send a nude just because (not that there’s anything wrong with the occasional random nude) or because you miss your nigga and want him to know it. Your level of arousal can be sensed through the phone. 

Paint a picture for us; be creative in your wording when you type captions. “Come home and play, Daddy. When are you going to make a mess of this? Are you still mad at me? Are you going to punish me?” The more racy it is, the more we’ll appreciate it. 



Beautiful 

Honey, it’s ok to be risqué with the nudes. Send us an upskirt at your desk at work or a lunch break bathroom nude. It’ll send us through the roof every time. We love that shit.

In conclusion, I say this. 

We men are grateful for every naked picture that we get, but there are nudes landing in iMessages every day and night that are truly above industry standard. If we’ve earned it, put a little extra effort into your work, we notice it. 

As far as reciprocity in nudes, I’m sorry that there’s a double standard. I wasn’t born the most beautiful creature on the planet and I’m not sexualized every minute of the day, so dick shots don’t have the same value. 

Dear men, act like you have some sense. She doesn’t owe you nudes, they’re a gift. Lastly, don’t you ever in your life leak a nude. Be a real nigga. 

And honey, if you’re on the fence about sending that nude to the guy you’ve been dealing with, always remember..

Fortune favors the BOLD. 

King Malcolm 

P.S. If you think I’m full of shit, you can send a rebuttal to mjheaggans@gmail.com. 

 

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