Baby, Why Do You Have My Phone? 

2013

A warm breeze from the Atlantic Ocean swept through the patio doors and across my face as I laid in a king sized bed at a St.Regis resort in Miami. 

I reach out for the woman I was dating and she slaps my hand away. I go to hug on her and she jerks away violently. 

“Get off me nigga.” 

The light from my phone Softly illuminating her Afro. 

2014

I hop out the shower and the woman I’m dating is sitting on the floor, hyperventilating. My phone clutched tightly in her grasp as she turns the phone my way and asks

“Who the fuck is this?” 

 

Me looking at the phone, Acting like I don’t know who the fuck that is when I knew exactly who the fuck that was. 

Curiosity, concern, fear of the unknown, or just plain insecurity. What drives the woman to do this?

 Maybe you’ve been behaving differently. Maybe she got a tip and saw a conversation out the corner of her eye, because women have peripheral vision like Eagles. Maybe she got a tip from a piece of hair on your clothes. Foundation on your pillow, perfume on your collar. 

The days of your woman finding a folded up piece of paper in your Levi’s reading “Janet 😘 404-555-7467” are long gone. Dealing with multiple women in the Information Age has become nothing short of spectacular, but one constant remains…

Everything is in your phone. 

Recently, a newer woman in my life who I became interested in asked me on the first date:

“Do you have a lock on your phone? If so, why?”

You fucking right I have a lock on my phone! 

Of course I gave her the RIGHT reasons

I have pertinent information in my phone. Emails, ideas, business ventures, medical information and such. What if my phone gets stolen? Etc. blah blah.” 

Truth being all that and I’m a handsome straight man who lives in Atlanta. I have nothing but text threads and filth from women. 

So, my question is, what drives women to completely ravage the insides of a phone. What discerning factor? I asked a few women if they had been through a phone and if so, why? And this is how they responded. 

  

Look at the responses, how they were worded. Feel, knew, nosey. As much as niggas like to deny it, women’s intuition is truly something special. Women’s intuition is how your mama knew you were lying about if you ate the last cookie or not. That same intuition resides inside of your woman, and she knows when your ass is lying. Sometimes. 

BUT, contrary to women’s belief, their intuition can be wrong. 

I think that self sabotage plays a factor. I think that when everything is going exceptionally well, a woman will instantly question it. The “Too Good to be True” factor. That little fire in their brains that begins to ask:

“What is this nigga so happy for?”

Sometimes they ignore the little voice in their heads, but most of the time they don’t. 

Question being, why go looking for trouble? 

Is it because you want your feelings hurt? Is it because hurt is a stronger emotion than joy? Because you feel it more? 

Or is it because you don’t trust your man? 

If the level of trust is so low that you are inclined to go through his phone, chances are you shouldn’t be with him or you’re overreacting. 

Love brings out the insecurity in both the sexes, men just handle and mask it better. Insecurities will eat you and your relationship alive if you let them. 

Now from a male perspective, getting your phone ravaged is either extremely annoying or remarkably terrifying. The first time my phone was violated it was dirtier than a Chicago pistol. I was looking like 

 

But having your privacy violated can work out in your favor! 

When dating, no woman wants to be with a man that no other woman lusts for. Sometimes that phone invasion will strengthen the relationship because the woman is now aware of the competition. She knows that other women want you which makes her want you MORE. 

Now if you’re in a relationship and she goes through your phone to see a bunch of other women, it’s going to be bad UNLESS you’re curving them in every message. 

Most of the time when you do right and your phone is clean, you will be rewarded! Other times, your lady just wants something to be angry at. Your phone could be clean and You could text a female co-worker a “👏” on a job well done and she’ll flip the fuck out. 

Or maybe I just deal with psychopaths. 

Gentlemen, keep your phones clean. Don’t leave any room for error, stay ready so you don’t have to get ready, take it from me. Whether you’re doing dirt or being faithful, keep it kosher. 

HONEYS, please don’t go through phones. You’re going to find exactly what you’re looking for. What you seek seeks you, so if you’re seeking trouble, you’re going to find it. 

On FaceTime with your single friend bumping Jhene Aiko and drinking Sangria and shit. That ain’t what you want. 

Fortune Favors the Bold! 

-King Malcolm 

PS, be on the lookout for me featured on a few podcasts in addition to my own. 

Until next Friday. 

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