It’s as clear as day.
A cool October afternoon in the West End of the ATL, the heart and soul of the Atlanta University Center. The familiar smoke of barbecue grills and deep friers dance through the air, setting the mood for the weekend. Aromatherapy, so to speak. A mix of the most relevant songs and classic old-head hits populate the airwaves and eardrums of the youth and elderly. Faint fraternity chants and the all too familiar “Atomic Dog” seem to be on repeat. School colors flood the landscape, influencing a certain security and familiarity. Illicit substances taking effect on your body and mind, gut full of wonderful food, beautiful smiles and recognizable faces everywhere you turn, It’s called Homecoming for a reason, isn’t it?
It’s that time of year! Fuck thanksgiving, Homecoming in the black community is the true kickoff to holiday season. But, before you grab a red solo cup and a turkey leg, understand that there are rules to this shit. See, I’m on the other side of the HBCU crowd in relation to age. At 25, (Grambling 08′-09′, Clark Atlanta 09′-10′, Morehouse 2010) I’m in my prime indubitably, but I’ve surpassed the immortality stage of 18-24. Even in my youth, I was aware of the rules, the proper formula needed to prosper and not end up face down in my own vomit on the promenade.
After 4 homecomings as a man child and another 4 as a semi-adult, I think that I’m well versed in the art of partying efficiently. With that being said, get comfortable, open your mind and prepare to be educated and entertained as I drop a few bullet points to ensure you a successful homecoming.
Stretch Your Liver Out.
Alcohol is a magnificent substance. The ultimate enchancer, liquid confidence ! Such a shame that you have to DIE a little bit every time you want to free your emotions. Anyway, you should already be drinking water as a human being, but with homecoming on the way, hydration is key. Homecoming is like a sporting event. You should be chugging water before, during and after.
Niggas love food, this is fact! The food vendors at homecoming are one of the best parts, but remember, alcohol is not the only thing that can defeat you. A couple of cocktails mixed with a shrimp stuffed, loaded baked potato will have you sleep under the tent, drooling on your hoodie while people take selfies with you. As in life, balance is key at homecoming. Eat enough to coat your stomach and soak up alcohol, not enough to have you calling it a night at 3pm.
They’re Called Spirits For a Reason.
Stay away from Gin and Vodka. Certain drinks invoke certain emotions and also take a toll on your body. Stay away from shots! Remember, this is a marathon, not a wind sprint. Be careful with any type of punch, it’ll sneak up on you. Sip your cocktails, drink your beers and avoid white liquor at all costs unless you plan on wrestling with the statue of Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
You’ll be participating in outside events for the entire weekend. The weather may be bipolar, but please consider that you can always take clothes off if you’re too hot, but can’t conjure a sweater. Make sure your kicks are comfortable and durable. You need to be able to dance, run and possibly fight in these shoes just in case shit hits the fan.
You Ain’t Marty McFly
Don’t go asking open ended questions or trying to live in the past. You’re setting yourself up for failure. That old crush that you never got a chance to fuck will perceive you as desperate if you attempt to “Shoot your shot.” With all these advances in modern technology and social media, if someone wants to interact with you? They’ll make it known. With old work, keep things cordial, don’t make shit weird. Always play it cool.
Now, this is the time of year to drink all your real world problems away, but this ain’t Las Vegas. Consequences are always lurking in the shadows, waiting to jump out on you . Be safe, wear a condom. Homecoming babies are very real. If you plan to be a Thot, leave your s/o at home. Please. Don’t fuck any freshmen. You give a child some adult sex and they’ll try to move in with you. It’s better for everyone if you just don’t.
No bullet point needed, I’ll close with this. Have fucking fun! You get to taste college again for a weekend. Use the nostalgia to your advantage and make more memories. The craziest nights always translate into the best stories. Shit, I know first hand. I’m making a living off of it.
Have a blast and if you get lost along the way, always reference my code.
Niggas ain’t shit, hoes ain’t either, luck favors the prepared and fortune favors the bold. Be the person in your office, hungover on Monday morning with a smile on your face, thinking about how your physical pain was worth it.
Until next wave.
– International Malcolm