That’s Not Gonna Get You the Pussy. 

Hey guys. Did you miss me? 

In the midst of writing three books, a screenplay and living my ridiculous life, I’ve neglected to feed my fanbase through blogging. Fret not, the king has returned. 

Recently I was having a roundtable discussion with a few of my homeboys about the only thing men can discuss civilly, women. The behavioral differences between a conversation about sports or rap and a conversation about women are simply astonishing. When discussing the former, niggas almost resort to fisticuffs while the latter brings about laughter and thought provoking rhetoric. 

Now naturally, birds of a feather flock together, so my friends are pretentious assholes in their own right just as I am, but during this particular discussion we had a guest present, a self proclaimed “Nice Guy”. 

I won’t go verbatim, but I will paraphrase his complaints accurately. 

“I’m a feminist! I respect women fully and uphold their rights. I repel misogyny and rape culture, I open doors, pay for meals and do everything that I’m supposed to do. I don’t understand why I can’t find a good woman. I just want a natural haired, earthy loving woman. We could just be free together. You all are a bunch of chauvinist assholes! How do all you guys have girlfriends or hoes and I’m single?” 

At this point, I had already made up my mind about this person and written them off as a jackass, but my good friend asked a question before I could express my disgust. 

“Are you acting like that just for female attention?” 

A long pause ensued. The outsider looked to the sky and gripped his chin, squinted his eyes and pondered. You could almost see the smoke coming from his ears as he thought. My friends and I waited. 

“Well, yeah.” He said. 

Naturally, the brothers erupted and expressed their disdain in a hilarious manner, thus creating the motivation for this article. 

In the find words of one of the friends that was present:

You don’t get no pussy for being nice, my nigga. 

If you have made a long term commitment not to be yourself just for some female attention, you should consider some things. 

Being super nice, warm and sweet doesn’t entitle you to that pussy. 

Being a Psuedo-Feminist and acting like you really care about women’s rights and equality doesn’t entitle you to that pussy. 

Agreeing with all her political and economic views doesn’t entitle you to that pussy. 

She is only going to give you the pussy if she wants to. It is simple as that. 

Somewhere right now at this very moment, a feminist is getting plowed out by a chauvinist, you know why? Because she wants to. 

That’s the entire premise of feminism. Women being able to do what they want without judgement. 

Women expect you to disagree with them. They expect you to be yourself and stand your ground in your beliefs. Folding to them is interpreted as weakness. 

Women have their own ideas, and from previous experiences with men they have created an archetype that they apply. If anything about you doesn’t align with said archetype, it’s an immediate red flag. It’s something to question. 

So this guy comes along. Agreeing with everything she says, giving no resistance, wearing an ankh and being sweet as a Patti Pie. 

You look like a red flag my nigga. 

It’s so discouraging to watch my fellow men portray a certain character and unknowingly embarrass themselves. If you frequent social media, you see the women of all ideologies frolic and congregate amongst one another. You also see some random guy doing more caping than a superhero, metophorically holding up a picket sign. 

Those guys are the equivalent to the “PICK ME” women of social media. (I’m one of the guys! We can play video games together!)

Niggas are running around making themselves foolish thinking that it’s going to get them pussy when the woman was going to fuck them regardless. 

One of the beauties of human interaction is conflict. Acting like you agree with her beliefs is one of the fastest ways to get friend zoned. Either she’s going to think that you’re weak or you’re faking. 

Truth is, even if she thinks that you’re a narcissistic, stubborn asshole if she wants to rock with you on a relationship level, then she will. 

Agreeing with her doesn’t make you any taller, any more handsome, dapper or less creepy. Shorty doesn’t owe you shit at all. And while you whining about not getting any, guess who is? 

The dickheads. 

I’ll conclude with a quote from a friend. 

“It’s whatever man…. I’m myself and hoes are gonna forever love me. I’m not gonna fix something that ain’t broke.”

So always remember! Being a fuckboi is underrated, luck favors the prepared and fortune favors the bold. 

-M. 

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