First Date Winner

Happy New Year.

Dating is a crapshoot, baby.

By the end of the night, you could be blocked, reported, left on read, or waist deep in the yams thinking about baby names. It all depends on the energy and how well you play your cards. You never get a second chance to make a first impression, so if you have the opportunity shine and do right the first time, you should.

Remember that the game is the game and it must be treated as such. If she agreed to go out with you there’s at least an inkling of interest there. She may also be bored, rebounding or just trying to have a good time on your dime. Like I said, a crapshoot.

Now when you’re pursuing a honey, instinctively you know what category you place her in. You know from looks, conversation, and interaction what she’s going to become in your life. Occasionally a woman will surprise you, but the majority of the time your gut is right. The same rules apply to women. They know the difference between a “Free Food” nigga, a “fuckboy” and a man who they want to rearrange their guts and raise their children.

Keep that in mind.

Everything is a competition so here are my 10 tips to “win” at a first date.

  1. Before you go on this date, you need to conduct proper research. Find a common ground with each other’s likes and figure something out. You’re spending money so you should enjoy whatever activity you choose just as much as, if not more than she does. Plus, if the date goes sour at least you’re doing something that you enjoy. The last thing you want to do is make it a BLAST for her and no fun for you because you think that you may get some pussy at the end of the night. PLOT TWIST MY NIGGA, breaking bread and being thoughtful does not entitle you to the yams. Pussy is never guaranteed in general, let alone on the first date unless you pay for it directly (which is against the rules, by the way.) So don’t think that just because you took her out for fine steaks and old wine that you’re guaranteed a splash. Have some respect for the game.
  1. With the exception of men not really wanting to admit how broke they are and masking their own insecurities by deeming women as gold diggers, I don’t know where this ideology of not spending money came from. Money is a must, no matter what the situation is. I know that if a woman is really into you that watching paint dry is an exciting activity, simply because you enjoy others company. I also know that everyone likes fun, new experiences and stunting, especially women. Make that money work for you and save those cheap ass $40 dates for somebody broke baby mama. Keep some cash on you for tips, valet, parking and the chance that her taste gets more expensive than your card. Dig?
  1. Don’t you dare take her to the movies.
  1. Always offer to come and pick her up. 8/10 she’ll meet you at the spot because niggas are crazy and she needs to be able to cut and run if necessary, but it’s the thought that counts. It show’s that you’re willing to make her comfortable and court her. If she does allow you to scoop, make sure that the inside of the car is vacuumed, wiped down and smelling impeccable. Have her favorite flowers and snack in the front seat and watch her light up.
  1. Don’t get caught in an Instagram or Twitter avi outfit. I’m a firm supporter of popping tags (which is a Black American colloquialism for buying new clothes, Caucasians) before a first date off principle. Have gum, mints and lip balm on deck. Hit yourself with the cologne on your pulse points (Neck, wrists, behind ears) 3 times. Once when you’re fresh out of the shower, after you put your clothes on and take your du-rag off and finally, right before you get out of the car to open the door for her. You should have the travel -sized bottle in the center console of the whip. Fresh cut, new fit, good cologne.
  1. Focus on her. As complex as they are, women can be so simple sometimes. Very often they just want to know that you’re listening and paying attention. The player move is to put your phone on “do not disturb” and turn those notification banners off for your social media. Leave your phone face up on the table and don’t even look at it when it lights up. The fact that you aren’t all in your phone will make her look at you differently from jump. Bring up a prior conversation so she knows that you’re attentive. Try not to talk about yourself unless asked. Make it all about her as you pick her brain for valuable information that you can use against her to make her fall in love with/ fuck you. More than anything women always remember how you made them feel, so make them feel special. Stare at yourself in her eyes so it looks like you’re searching her soul. In reality you making sure that there’s nothing in your teeth and your jewelry is hitting.
  1. Be in control and show that you are capable of leading. Don’t get lost on the way, don’t look at the menu being indecisive for 10 minutes, and don’t show up late. If you’re at a restaurant she asks, “What’s good here?” You should be able to run off 5-6 things with ease. If she asks you “Do you bring all of your first dates here?” Hit her with: “No, I came and checked this place out with you in mind.” Watch her melt.
  1. Plan for a later event. If the date was nice, she’s going to desire to kick it after. Have a few bars, lounges or amusement-related activities already lined up in your mental Rolodex. Do not suggest going to the crib, my nigga. Let it happen organically.
  1. Pick up on the cues. If she leans in, pull her closer. If she laughs and grabs your hand, hold on for a little while. If she’s staring you in the eyes with her toes pointed in, fiddling with her keys? Kiss her in the mouth. Fortune favors the bold.
  1. Make sure your crib is clean and bed is made because you never know when you might bring something home. Remember, the bathroom is the #1 key to getting her to lift those hips up and peel the panties off. Isn’t it crazy how all women SUDDENLY have to pee as soon as they get comfortable in your house? She’s going to snoop. If your bathroom is clean and free of anything woman related, you’re in the clear.


I’m Malcolm J. Heaggans, reporting live with your weekly dose of fly shit.

From the West End with Love…



The Friday Night Company, 2017



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