The only time that I see unified, unbiased love and praise for straight, black men on social media is when we’re immensely attractive or a hashtag.
Any other time “Black men are trash!”
I understand that perception is reality and that if a woman has dealt with trash men on a consistent basis she’ll make this generalization, but damn!
I’m intelligent enough to understand satire, but I also know that there’s truth in jest. With the recent prominence of social media, underlying issues in our community are manifesting themselves faster than ever. Groups of women who have had similar, dismal experiences with black men can bond and bash on a platform for the entire world to see. Concurrently, women who have NOT had aforementioned experiences with black men will either:
A: Disagree and display divisiveness
B: Be influenced by the negativity
This ultimately creates another rift in the community. Those who conform to the latter are often accused of being “pick me’s,” a term relative to those who say things in order to appease men, or are considered some sort of traitor or “turncoat” in the eyes of female society.
Honestly, the black community has complex issues, which I’ll get to in a second, but first? I have a question.
What did I do to make you hate me? I mean me personally as an individual, cause that’s how we should view people right? As singular beings and not generalizations? Or does that not apply to black men? I digress. Regardless, my question still remains. What did I or any other black man that you don’t know from Adam do to make you say that we are trash?
I’m talking about me. Not the media who portrays me as a hypersexual, aggressive beast. Not your bitter female relatives who made terrible choices in men and planted the seed of hate in your head. Neither the absentee father, nor the cousin who molested you, the high school boyfriend who made you feel less than, or the home-girl with terrible judgment who has a million horror stories about black men, but me.
The man who rubs the feet of the black woman with coconut oil and listens to her vent about daily micro-aggressions from work. The man who buys the black woman $50 curling cream and makes sure that her chicken wings are all flats. The man who can relate to you more than anyone else on the planet with the exception of another black person, who went through years of emotional development, trials, tribulations and growth so he could love properly.
What did I do to make you hate me?
Your generalizations are either a defense mechanism, the result of unresolved trauma or both. It is unfair that I have to pay for the mistakes of other men of my kind.
Traumatic incidents that aren’t addressed and worked through have annihilated the perception of the black man in the eyes of the black woman. Unfortunately, heinous acts will always occur in our community, because humans are flawed. Terrible things that happen to people almost always occur within one’s own race, that’s just a fact. It still doesn’t give you the right to climb to the mountaintop and scream that I’m trash.
A major problem in our community now is the use of Caucasians as a benchmark and or reference point for stability and success in our own society. It is simply unintelligent; we don’t even operate the same.
I’m not here to compare you all to white women and say: “Well white women don’t say that their men are blasé, blah, etc.” Nah. What I will say is I think that the influence and impact of white feminism on black women attributes to the negative perception of the black man.
White women have the right to hate the men from their tribe. Shit, who doesn’t hate racist, sexist, privilege-blind white men? Nobody likes those white men! They’re the most oppressive, hating, bloodthirsty, greedy, power hungry, war-mongering motherfuckers on the planet, but just because white women justifiably loathe white men doesn’t mean you can despise me without reason. With this recent spike of Internet feminism, some guidelines and beliefs have been jumbled up, creating crisscrossed philosophies.
Just like calling the police during a hostile ethnic situation, one of the worst things that we can do as a people is apply white ass ideologies to black ass problems. While hating the respective men from each of their tribes, black and white women are on two different playing fields with two different plights! White feminists are fighting for equality while feminists of color fight against injustice. While white feminists fight for equal pay and maternity leave, black feminists fight against police brutality and for a living wage. Black feminists fight for community development and job opportunities in addition to all of the things that the white feminists are fighting for.
Realistically, we, black men and women, should be sticking together and trying to repair male to female interactions in our own community with methods that align with us.
This isn’t all on black women though, not by a long shot.
Niggas can be flawed, ignorant, and downright awful. I’ll admit to that. The mistreatment and disrespect of the most valuable entity in the black community, the black woman, lack of emotional intelligence, an extreme sense of entitlement, and some egregious, outrageous desire to be with women of another race are just a few issues that plague the black man.
Yet, these are learned behaviors.
We have to break the cycle of raising black boys who grow up to hate black women and black girls who grow up to hate black men. This starts in the HOME.
Too many black boys and girls are growing up in households without a proper balance of masculine and feminine energy. Too many black children are being raised with no understanding of what love is. Too may black children aren’t allowed to express themselves in the home, resulting in them not being able or being afraid to express themselves later in life. Male family members are molesting too many black girls, concurrently scarring them for life. Every one of these circumstances attribute to the reason that black women scream black men are trash.
If the right way to live and interact amongst each other isn’t learned in the household, it’s our job as peers to teach one another. Black men, we have to address the issues that our homeboys have. We have to disown the deadbeats, outcast the rapists and hold the irresponsible accountable. This goes for the women as well. I’m running out of words so I wont expound on the things that women do wrong, regardless of considering themselves intellectually superior and infallible, but ya’ll know.
We have to be accountable for our own.
Speaking of accountability, are women acknowledging the archetypes that they are attracted to? And how if said man is EVER off of his game and is the slightest bit emotional, too available, not stiff or exciting enough he’s written off?
How they love cool, calm, charismatic, emotionally unavailable and shrewd men. Men who are edgy, unbalanced and fiery who come with a shit load of baggage. Men who haven’t learned who they are or matured enough to love themselves let alone another person. Then, when red flags start to pop up out of the ground, the woman ignores them and wonders why she ends up with a broken heart.
I’ll conclude with this.
Somewhere on social media there’s a 19-year-old black kid who hasn’t found himself yet and as he scrolls he sees “Black men are trash” and “Niggas ain’t shit” 100 times a day. That is just as damaging as a young, black woman hearing that a black man wants a foreign bitch or “bitches ain’t shit.” It’s the same inappropriate behavior that perpetuates the divide in our community. This shit has to stop. Black love is important and should be cherished like gold, because it’s something that’s been attacked since our arrival in this country.
I know you really don’t hate me. I know that you really don’t think that I’m trash. I know that you’re just putting up a wall cause secretly you want to believe that I’m the greatest black man that you’ll ever come across. That I’m the one and that you and I will bask in that indulgent black love that you’ve heard so much about. Unfortunately, I’m guilty until proven innocent.
I guess I’ll have to be “trash” in your mind until I show you otherwise.
If I’ve said anything in this article that has offended you, I couldn’t care less.
From The West End With Love,